It is a different experience being here while the majority of 6+ is working on a project in the West Bank. And I have to be honest. It doesn’t feel good, its not easy….but i’m working through it.
left behind (from ‘leave behind‘): depart and not take along, leave unchanged or undisturbed or refrain from taking. Synonyms: abandon, get ahead, bequeath
home front: the civilian sector of a nation at war when its armed forces are in combat abroad, the civilian population (and their activities) of a country at war.
What is my role here? On one hand I feel abandoned and like I’m not contributing or involved in the project, useless, on the other hand I feel sort of like an anchor, overseeing the domestic side of things until the others get back.
It is unavoidable. In an ideal world where the 6 of us have superpowers, all of us can travel together to foreign countries and execute projects with boundless energy. We don’t have jetlag, we don’t argue, and we don’t miss any part of our lives that isn’t 6+. But that’s like saying a webcam will be 100% reliable and without a single computer glitch.
The reality is that the 6 of us are vulnerable to being human. We can’t all travel all of the time. We exhaust our mental, physical, emotional, and certainly our financial resources. Then there are the jobs, art careers, spouses, family, boyfriends, children, and even the children who will be arriving very soon. (2 of us our pregnant!) Our lives outside of 6+. Although we make an effort to incorporate these parts of our lives into our collective…… and as feminists… choose to embrace and support these cycles of life, it is still difficult being the one sitting out.
For our first trip to the West Bank, it was Yana. This time it is Rozalinda and myself representing the Home Front…the civilian population at home.
It is my first time on the 6+ Home Front. I do not use the term Home Front in reference to the non-glorious war for which the term was coined and is still politically propagated, but this idea of supporting your team and being an instrumental part of the larger project.
I could say ‘the sidelines‘…but that would suggest that I was just waiting my turn to participate, for Coach to call me up, feed my ego, and say “you’re in the game, kid.”
Instead I want to be one of the ‘Rosies,’…..working on the assembly line for the greater good of the entire operation. The desire to be an utmost important part of the operation.
What do we do on the Home Front? We hold down the fort. We continue working on the other projects and keep up with the communication between other women we’re working with. We think of what are friends might be doing (or eating), wait for emails and photos, try to send subconscious support and maybe an occasional prayer. Realize that there may be a benefit or even some divine reason to us staying home this time. And we won’t stay home the next time. Prepare for moving the project forward as an active participant when they get back. Or have I been an active participant all along?
I am human……. and being-left-behind-on-the-home-front is a messy, new thing for me. But we are 6+, and we certainly don’t shy away from mess. When my friends come safely home (inshallah) they will bring me footage, images, and sound from Dheisheh to move the project forward; and their big smiles and laughs accompanied by epic stories…
and I will bring the wine and be better for it.
love, mary rachel
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